Atkinson Family Addition

Tonight, after a bottle, our Etta girl snuggled up for some playful smooches and chats. We smiled and giggled at each other while the tears rolled down my cheeks. One year ago, Travis and I were sitting in this very same spot. But instead of a baby in our arms, we had an adoption binder with notes and handouts, a notebook filled with jotted details of things we didn’t want to forget, and a laptop open to some of the forums I had been following. We were preparing for “the call” with an expectant mama that had chosen us. Photo by Sarah Karnas Photography This year, we remember her. We remember how awkward we all started out in our conversation; how easily she got us to laugh; how comfortable we were with her from that very first call. We remember her excitement and pride in sharing the ultrasound pictures and updates with us; the weekend we visited and got to meet each other and grow our relationship. We remember the 4am phone call with anxious urgency; how she continued to ca...

During this season of Lenten reflection, our congregation is taking time to hear from one another. Each Wednesday evening, we read a different creed, discuss what resonates or challenges us, and hear from a different member their reflection. This past week, Travis and I shared a brief reflection of adoption and our faith. We began with the I Believe creed written by  Bruce Prewer, Minister of the Uniting Church in Australia: In spite of many unanswered questions, I believe. I believe in the living God, the joy of the universe,  who is the pulse and purpose of all things seen and unseen,  who from the dust of earth calls up living beings to be children of eternity,  who through countless ages has provided for us many liberators  and tirelessly seeks to bring victory out of defeat and life out of decay. I believe in Jesus the Christ, God’s true Son,  who is bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh,  who took upon himself the he...

I always imagined becoming a mom to be the most amazing, beautiful experience. I imagined happiness and basking in sunshine. I imagined only love and happiness. But that image isn’t how our story is being written. During the lengthy process of adoption, there were people in our lives that were noticeably absent; uninvolved; uninterested. People that we thought would be our supporters. Those pages weren’t written how we imagined. But there were others, who in the absence, stepped in and filled that void. They were involved; interested; and cheered us on. Those pages weren’t how we imagined; but they were filled with the grace of our God. When this sweet baby girl was a mere three days old, our beloved Pastor Stephanie texted us early that morning to say “My prayers are with you. God’s love surround you. May you all experience peace.”. She knew that 72 hours had passed and that Coretta’s Mama would be making a decision that wasn’t easy; it took deep thought and prayer; it to...

After we spent as many hours as possible with baby girl, we arrived at the hospital on that final day. It was final because at 10am, her mama would be meeting with her Social Worker and attorney to make her decision to parent or place baby through adoption. After spending those two days together, we know M loves baby girl and would be a great parent to her if that were her choice. Our emotions were beyond intense. No matter the decision, we knew that our hearts would be hurting. No matter the decision, this baby girl was loved and would continue to be loved. No matter the decision, we had poured out every ounce of our hearts for the last 72 hours and wouldn’t regret that time. We were quiet, because no matter the decision, what comes next wouldn’t be easy. And then it was 11, and the social worker hadn’t arrived yet. And then it was 11:30, and the social worker still hadn’t arrived. My stomach was such a mess I had to take a walk to get ice and splash cool water on my face. I ...

When we started this journey over a year ago, I had no idea how much I would learn; how many mamas would inspire me with their words weighing heavily on my heart or uplifting my mind; how many times my heart would be torn open a little further; how many prayers I would pray. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Though I still don’t, nor will I ever, have all the answers, I have gained exponentially more insight and knowledge from an incredible group of adoptive and birth mamas. Be that good, bad, incredible, hard, or beautiful...or more often than not: incredible, hard, AND beautiful. A Birth Mama that I recently discovered (thanks to Cari) posted a blog that I let sit on my heart for a bit. Her words echoed so much of what I have been feeling since being chosen. She writes about the importance of honoring the voice and right to choose of birth mamas in this process. Travis and I have tried to be intentional about our word choice and how we talk and think about the baby girl that...

The day has finally arrived. After receiving information about several situations, we took the plunge and said “yes” to showing our profile to an expectant couple. For the next three days, I checked my phone like a true millennial. I don’t think my emails have ever been read/responded to/deleted so promptly in my life. But then, time stopped. When on that third day, I checked my phone for the 287th time to find an email. An email that stated “I’m sorry to inform you that birth parents have chosen another family”. In a flash, it was a quick punch to the gut. But that punch was softened. My gut was protected with what a “no” for us means: it means that somewhere else, another family has found their baby. They are getting “the call”. The call that will forever change their lives. And that family will be the best family for that baby boy. Because his birth parents chose the family that best fit their hopes and dreams. And THAT knowledge saves me. It saves my...

wait wāt verb 1. Stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens. To stay where we are. A couple. A dyad. Delay action until a particular time or until something else happens. Until we are chosen. Matched. We wait. But we won’t delay action. While we wait, or stay where we are, we pray. We pray. And pray. And pray. For the mamas that tug my heart. That pull the breath from my lungs for a moment as I read the intimate and invasive details of their lives. That are on my mind each and every day. That stir my restless mind late at night. For those mamas, I pray. I pray so hard that tears fall from eyes. I pray that God holds them as hard as those prayers. That He holds them and gives them hope. Hope that they will find a way to a decision. For the babes being miraculously created and growing. For the baby that will someday be ours. The one that my heart longs for more than anything else. The babe that will make us parents....

Now that our profiles have been distributed to agencies throughout the nation, reality is a knocking! Remember all those feelings and worries when we were creating those profile books? Where we hoped to share our love for each other, for our families, friends and church, and for our future child all in the pages of that book? When I hoped and prayed that our personalities, souls, and love would seep into the pages of those books that will bring us our future child? Yeah, all those feelings have exploded. Now I can’t help but think about all the “what ifs”. What if they’re looking for a home that’s bigger than our little, old duplex? Or a doctor instead of a teacher? Or what if they’re looking for parents that have been married longer than we have? Or a family that has a cat instead of a dog? Or the million other thoughts circling my mind. But what if our little, old duplex; new-ishly married; dog-loving family is the absolute perfect fit for a baby that’s growing inside their mama?...