I Believe

During this season of Lenten reflection, our congregation is taking time to hear from one another. Each Wednesday evening, we read a different creed, discuss what resonates or challenges us, and hear from a different member their reflection. This past week, Travis and I shared a brief reflection of adoption and our faith. We began with the I Believe creed written by  Bruce Prewer, Minister of the Uniting Church in Australia:

In spite of many unanswered questions, I believe.

I believe in the living God, the joy of the universe,

 who is the pulse and purpose of all things seen and unseen,

 who from the dust of earth calls up living beings to be children of eternity,

 who through countless ages has provided for us many liberators

 and tirelessly seeks to bring victory out of defeat and life out of decay.

I believe in Jesus the Christ, God’s true Son,

 who is bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh,

 who took upon himself the healing of the human race,

 who bearing the burden of our sins went to Golgotha carrying his cross,

 who was betrayed, crucified, dead and buried in a borrowed tomb,

 who on the third day was found to be gloriously alive,

 meeting with those who trust him and serve him to the end of the world.

I believe in the Holy Spirit of God,

 within and among all who cherish Christ and his way,

 who brings hope out of despair, love out of apathy, and joy out of sorrow,

 who unceasingly regenerates and reforms the church

 that it may always be the contemporary body of the risen Christ,

 loving the world through prayer, word and deed.

I believe that even I am caught up in the resurgent life of Christ Jesus,

 and that nothing in life or death can separate me from his love and joy.

In spite of unanswered questions, yes I believe.

Amen!

Our reflection followed a brief introduction:

After our marriage, we began the process of growing our family. With much prayer, thought, and discussion, we decided to pursue adoption. Nothing could prepare us for the intensity that we would endure.

In this week’s creed, we stated “I believe”. A sentiment that we needed to remind ourselves over and over throughout our journey.

When the strain of being new homeowners and landlords, grad students, and hopeful adoptive parents bore down on us, we needed to believe. We needed to believe in spite of many unanswered questions. I believe in God, the joy of the universe.

When we said “yes” to sharing our profile and baring our hearts and souls to the first expectant parent, and they said “no”; we needed to believe. We needed to know and trust that God was providing for that baby, that despite our hurt, God was present. Bringing love and grace to surround the expectant mama that had found a family she felt would be best for her unborn child. That there would be love and grace embracing that family; and that there was love and grace embracing us, too. Bringing joy out of sorrow, I believe.

On the rollercoaster of May 13th, 2018 when we heard the voice of the woman who said “I

choose you”, we believed. We were in the throws of a week of grad school finals and thesis defense, with anxiety and emotions running high. We answered the phone late that Sunday night, with shaking hands and a page full of notes to prepare us for the unexpected and guide us if we got too nervous. In our profile book that had been shared with her, was a page of our belief in a loving and inclusive God and our ECLC community. She shared with us that it was that very page that made an impact on her; since she wanted her baby to grow in a family of faith. We believe in a God that is the pulse and purpose of all things seen, and unseen.

In the intense moment of leaving the hospital with a baby born to a different mother, we believed. Knowing that her mom left the hospital after her delivery with nothing in her arms except a clear plastic bag full of her belongings; while we were here, carrying a carseat with a tiny baby and diaper bag stuffed with formula and swaddles, was an unexpected pain. We care deeply about her and knowing that she was experiencing grief and loss at such magnitude, brought us to silence. In our joy and excitement, she was in pain and sorrow. In our love and fullness, she was in grief and emptiness. The most incredible contradiction. Her trauma, our happiness. We fervently prayed that God bring her hope and love in her despair.

Roy Son Photo, October 1, 2016

While we spent the early hours of the morning in a hotel across the country feeding and changing and snuggling this tiny newborn baby, we joined with all of you in surrounding Pastor Stephanie, her team of medical professionals, and her family in prayers. We re-read her final text sent to us blessing Coretta and all who love her. In disbelief that we were now praying and begging for blessings upon her. When the update came with news we could never imagine, our questions were many. Pastor Stephanie embodied what it means to believe. She showed us that in spite of our unanswered questions; in spite of our unanswered prayers; in spite of our hurt and sorrow; to believe. To believe in the Holy Spirit of God, who unceasingly regenerates and reforms the church. Who will unceasingly join with this faith community as we heal and regenerate; as we continue to seek social justice; as we continue to advocate; and as we continue to love one another.

Amen.

Sarah Karnas Photography, March 2019