Story

I always imagined becoming a mom to be the most amazing, beautiful experience. I imagined happiness and basking in sunshine. I imagined only love and happiness.

But that image isn’t how our story is being written.

During the lengthy process of adoption, there were people in our lives that were noticeably absent; uninvolved; uninterested. People that we thought would be our supporters. Those pages weren’t written how we imagined.

But there were others, who in the absence, stepped in and filled that void. They were involved; interested; and cheered us on. Those pages weren’t how we imagined; but they were filled with the grace of our God.

When this sweet baby girl was a mere three days old, our beloved Pastor Stephanie texted us early that morning to say “My prayers are with you. God’s love surround you. May you all experience peace.”. She knew that 72 hours had passed and that Coretta’s Mama would be making a decision that wasn’t easy; it took deep thought and prayer; it took effort and work; and it would have lifelong impacts for each of us involved-no matter how she chose to proceed.

You see, Pastor Stephanie had been a part of this story since the beginning. She guided us in our pre-marriage meetings. She talked with us about our hopes and dreams for our future together; including our hope and dream of adoption. On the night before our wedding, she came to our home and talked with our families and friends. She’s been on the pages since the start of this book.

We shared a photo and our thanks for her prayers. Stephanie replied at 4:50pm “She is beautiful! I am so happy for you! Blessings upon Coretta and all who love her.”. Only a few hours later, she would experience a blockage in her heart that would lead to a massive heart attack and brain aneurysm. Our incredible congregation rallied around her and prayed literally around the clock for her healing. On September 6th, our beloved Pastor and child of God, died.

My image of her at the baptismal font holding our child and marking her with the seal of the cross was shattered. My image of her leading children’s sermons for our girl, gone.

Those pages of our story are streaked and soaked in tears.

But those pages are also filled with the grace of God. They’re filled with an incredibly loyal and passionate congregation of some of the greatest people rallying and praying so fervently, it was palpable. Those days, though filled with grief, are filled with prayer: prayers of thanks, prayers of strength, and prayers of healing. God’s grace guided us in parenting our child through our tears; through our grief. A grief that wasn’t for Stephanie alone.

We grieved for Coretta’s Mama. She left the hospital with empty arms. Where our’s were filled with a carseat and baby; bags of diapers and bottles; blankets and swaddles, her’s were bare. Where we went ‘home’ to the demanding schedule of a newborn, she went home to the void of newborn cries and grunt. Our hearts were broken for her. The reality of adoption isn’t all sunshine, happiness, and smiles.

Our story of adoption includes pages soaked in tears; pages filled with pleading prayers; pages of quiet silence.

But our story continues to be written. And so we continue on.