Thirty Eight

Today, the count has reached 38 weeks. A milestone we have only dreamed of. Another tick along this journey.

But our journey hasn’t been all smooth sailing.

Two weeks ago, my sweet Granny’s health rapidly declined after a fall. Our entire family quickly made their way to her hospital room where we were able to hold her hand, kiss her forehead, and tell her stories of times remembered. My feisty Grandma. The one who taught me the finesse to flip lefse without tearing it. The one who showed me her hidden key so I could stop in anytime--whether my legs were too tired to bike all the way home, or I just needed a listening ear, her door was mine too. The one who loved us all deeply. So we whispered the name we picked out with Mama M so she could be in on one last secret, kissed her goodbye one last time, and let her go.

During the same time, our communication with Mama M was abruptly halted. We went from texting nearly every day to going two, then three, then four days with nothing. Her phone had broken. She was able to order a new one but it would take some time to get to her. We were without our direct link to her for over a week. During a time when emotions were quite high, the inability to communicate and support her felt like a giant weight added to my shoulders. I needed to know she was okay. And if she wasn’t okay, I needed to know what I could be doing to support and care for her. I can only imagine how difficult it was for her-without access to the million tasks we give to our little devices.

I was struggling. In the darkness of self-pity, grief, and anxiety. My body was physically ill. I spent an entire day just trying to heal my stomach. I would lie in bed in the morning with knots in my neck and shoulders from pulling myself into a ball all night as I tossed back and forth. I didn’t care enough to know which day of the week it was. I was in a steady state of darkness.

But then...M got a new phone. And she called me! I got to hear her voice and hear her tell me that despite being frustrated at the dang phone company--me too, sister!, that she is doing just fine. She gave me a little bit of light back with her voice and the reassurance that she is okay.

And then...I got to visit my sweet friend and her soon-to-be-hubby at their new-ish home. We got to catch up and reminisce over dinner and wine. And she asked me to stand by her side as she marries her sweetheart next summer. And I found a little more light.

After that, my love helped me organize my plans and start tackling our to-do list. We had a wonderful conversation with M about her birth plan and joked and reassured each other that we would be together for this. And more light came pouring in.

I was overtaken by darkness. And now I’m sitting in the nursery, all ready for a babe to fill it with snuggles, bottles, drool, and diapers. And I’m sitting in the light.

We only have one more wall that needs a work of art. Will you help be a piece of our adoption? Our puzzle still needs pieces before it’s ready to be hung. You can find the link at the Donate button above or here .

Please keep M in your thoughts and prayers in the days and weeks to come. That she be comforted and protected by God’s loving embrace.