Atkinson Family Addition

After we spent as many hours as possible with baby girl, we arrived at the hospital on that final day. It was final because at 10am, her mama would be meeting with her Social Worker and attorney to make her decision to parent or place baby through adoption. After spending those two days together, we know M loves baby girl and would be a great parent to her if that were her choice. Our emotions were beyond intense. No matter the decision, we knew that our hearts would be hurting. No matter the decision, this baby girl was loved and would continue to be loved. No matter the decision, we had poured out every ounce of our hearts for the last 72 hours and wouldn’t regret that time. We were quiet, because no matter the decision, what comes next wouldn’t be easy. And then it was 11, and the social worker hadn’t arrived yet. And then it was 11:30, and the social worker still hadn’t arrived. My stomach was such a mess I had to take a walk to get ice and splash cool water on my face. I

This is it. The moment we’ve been waiting for. We were in M’s maternity room and the nurses wheeled in a tiny little babe that was just about to have her first bottle. They showed us where the necessities were, handed me the bottle, and left the room. And then it was us. I scooped up that tiny little squish and held her close to my chest. Travis and I stared at each other in complete and utter disbelief. This was happening. This was our reality. In this moment. We stared at baby, completely and utterly smitten. We spent the rest of the day in the room with M and baby girl. We talked. We laughed. She rested and slept. We stared at baby and never set her down. Travis fed baby girl a bottle and instantly got her to burp. He confidently responded with “I just have the touch!”. To which, I replied with “I will remember that at 3am…”. M laughed and she reminded Trav that we thought he “has the touch” any time baby girl fussed. When we noticed baby girl’s extremely long finge

Here we are. In the midst of the most intense, heart ripping, emotional, surreal time of our lives. On Wednesday morning at 4:30, we awoke to a chilled house from the cool air. I asked Travis to get me another blanket and snuggled back in. I leaned over to check what time it was and there it was: Missed call from M. A text from M saying “U should come”. I calmly set my phone down. In shock that this was the moment. The one we had been waiting for. I asked Travis if he was awake and then handed him my phone. I couldn’t even say the words. We then immediately called M. She was in labor and walking down the hallway at the hospital to the labor and delivery unit. IT WAS TIME. After that, life is a blur. Booking plane tickets, taking showers, packing the last necessities, and getting our puppy and house ready for us to be gone. Before we knew it, we were sitting in a car on the way to the airport. Breathing heavy. Sweating. M texted saying she was dilated to 6 c

Today, the count has reached 38 weeks. A milestone we have only dreamed of. Another tick along this journey. But our journey hasn’t been all smooth sailing. Two weeks ago, my sweet Granny’s health rapidly declined after a fall. Our entire family quickly made their way to her hospital room where we were able to hold her hand, kiss her forehead, and tell her stories of times remembered. My feisty Grandma. The one who taught me the finesse to flip lefse without tearing it. The one who showed me her hidden key so I could stop in anytime--whether my legs were too tired to bike all the way home, or I just needed a listening ear, her door was mine too. The one who loved us all deeply. So we whispered the name we picked out with Mama M so she could be in on one last secret, kissed her goodbye one last time, and let her go. During the same time, our communication with Mama M was abruptly halted. We went from texting nearly every day to going two, then three, then four days with nothing