Atkinson Family Addition

The day has finally arrived. After receiving information about several situations, we took the plunge and said “yes” to showing our profile to an expectant couple. For the next three days, I checked my phone like a true millennial. I don’t think my emails have ever been read/responded to/deleted so promptly in my life. But then, time stopped. When on that third day, I checked my phone for the 287th time to find an email. An email that stated “I’m sorry to inform you that birth parents have chosen another family”. In a flash, it was a quick punch to the gut. But that punch was softened. My gut was protected with what a “no” for us means: it means that somewhere else, another family has found their baby. They are getting “the call”. The call that will forever change their lives. And that family will be the best family for that baby boy. Because his birth parents chose the family that best fit their hopes and dreams. And THAT knowledge saves me. It saves my

wait wāt verb 1. Stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens. To stay where we are. A couple. A dyad. Delay action until a particular time or until something else happens. Until we are chosen. Matched. We wait. But we won’t delay action. While we wait, or stay where we are, we pray. We pray. And pray. And pray. For the mamas that tug my heart. That pull the breath from my lungs for a moment as I read the intimate and invasive details of their lives. That are on my mind each and every day. That stir my restless mind late at night. For those mamas, I pray. I pray so hard that tears fall from eyes. I pray that God holds them as hard as those prayers. That He holds them and gives them hope. Hope that they will find a way to a decision. For the babes being miraculously created and growing. For the baby that will someday be ours. The one that my heart longs for more than anything else. The babe that will make us parents.

Now that our profiles have been distributed to agencies throughout the nation, reality is a knocking! Remember all those feelings and worries when we were creating those profile books? Where we hoped to share our love for each other, for our families, friends and church, and for our future child all in the pages of that book? When I hoped and prayed that our personalities, souls, and love would seep into the pages of those books that will bring us our future child? Yeah, all those feelings have exploded. Now I can’t help but think about all the “what ifs”. What if they’re looking for a home that’s bigger than our little, old duplex? Or a doctor instead of a teacher? Or what if they’re looking for parents that have been married longer than we have? Or a family that has a cat instead of a dog? Or the million other thoughts circling my mind. But what if our little, old duplex; new-ishly married; dog-loving family is the absolute perfect fit for a baby that’s growing inside their mama?